Unstuck in 15: Can 3 Questions in 15 Minutes Change Your Life?

How a tweet led to creating a decision-making framework that helps people get unstuck in 15 minutes

My first call was about to start, following an audacious tweet I posted, claiming I could get anyone unstuck with just three questions. I was curious about what this internet stranger would be stuck on and if I could actually help. Checking a template I created in Notion, I reviewed my prepared list of questions. 

After brief introductions and an overview of what to expect, I stated, “Tell me how you’re stuck.” 

“I’m thinking about leaving my husband.”

A pit instantly formed in my stomach, my throat tightened. I should not be doing this. I do not want to be responsible for any decision either way, I thought to myself surprised by such an intimate problem. But, perhaps an anonymous, unbiased perspective was just what she needed. 

Four people responded to my tweet, each stuck in their own distinct dilemmas. This sparked an unexpected journey of developing a micro-coaching framework that converts indecision into clarity and confidence. This simple yet powerful tool has since transformed decision-making for many, from career choices and relationship challenges to business strategies and relocation decisions, and even something as niche as picking out the perfect colour for a new Porsche (details in Examples below).

THE FRAMEWORK

Why 3 Questions and Why 15 Minutes?

Constraints.

Having a limited number of questions forces me to ask high-quality questions. Serendipitously, 15 minutes has been the magic number of minutes. If we go longer than that, the framework falls apart. I believe it’s because I allow rumination on the problem to go on too long, instead of focusing on ideating a high volume of possibilities.

Categories of Questions 

So far, five categories of questions have emerged. I select the category based on cues from the caller:

Macro Lens

Imagine you're facing a tough decision at work or in your personal life. You feel stuck. Applying the Macro Lens enables you to step back to see the bigger picture. This approach involves exploring beyond the obvious choices and considering a broader range of possibilities. 

Example Macro Lens question: What are all of the options available to you? 

Clarity Quest

When you feel uncertain about a decision, gathering more information can be a great tool. It means not just looking at what's in front of you, but also seeking out details that might not be immediately apparent. A lot of times when people feel stuck, going on a Clarity Quest to gather more information about each option can lead to insights that help illuminate the best path forward. 

Example Clarity Quest question: Are there moments of joy in your current situation?

Risk Radar

In some situations people who are stuck have thought about all of the possibilities and have gathered more information. But they may not have considered all of the risks of all of the options. By utilizing the Risk Radar and exploring risks together, oftentimes we’ll come up with risk mitigation strategies that help with gaining confidence in the next step to take.

Example Risk Radar question: What’s stopping you from making a big jump in your career?

Valued Voices

This one is tricky. Oftentimes people know exactly what they want to do, but they feel stuck because someone whose opinion they value is a factor. It can be a boss, parents, a partner, or societal expectations. The best thing to do is to make a decision one way or another. It’s okay if it’s better for you in the moment to go with the path of external pressure, just be intentional about it. A follow up question can help explore ways to feel confident in the decision, whatever it is. 

Example Valued Voices question: What are all of the things getting in the way of doing what you know you want to do?

Inner Roadblocks

All of us have Inner Roadblocks, but sometimes it’s hard to see. Internal factors can be things such as lacking confidence, self-compassion, or feelings of worthiness. Being aware of this and exploring the smallest, most comfortable step forward together can help overcome these. For extreme cases, the next step could be seeking professional help.

Example Inner Roadblocks question: What are all of the ways you can gain confidence in yourself?

EXAMPLES

The Deeply Personal

Let’s revisit my first Unstuck in 15 session, a woman who wasn’t sure if she should end her marriage.

Options 

1. Stay with her husband 

2. Leave him 

Question 1 - Macro Lens

What are all of your reasons for each of your options? 

Reasons to stay: 

He’s a good man. He’s a great father. I can’t fathom hurting our children. 

Reasons to leave: 

I don’t trust him. I don’t respect him. We have nothing in common.

Question 2 - Clarity Quest

Are there moments of joy in your current situation? 

Pause. Then, yes, we sometimes have lengthy conversations after the kids go to bed. In many ways he’s my best friend. 

Question 3 - Macro Lens 

If you can imagine the truest, most beautiful form of your marriage and he did the same, would there be overlap, a common ground from which you can focus and rebuild, or are there deal breakers that prevent this from being possible? 

I continued:

You don’t have to answer now. Just sit with this question. If you’d like, take 2 minutes and write down all the questions you can think to ask yourself to help you find peace with your decision.

We talked it through. She realized she had been spending a lot of time focused on what frustrated her and what was missing. Every single thing he did bothered her. Thinking about the joyful moments and saying it aloud helped the challenges seem not as big. After our 15 minutes, she felt more hopeful about her marriage as she felt there weren’t any deal breakers big enough they couldn’t overcome. 

This isn’t to say everything is great in their marriage. But for the moment, it’s no longer in crisis. 

Making a Big Career Jump

This was someone who started a new job last year but felt the move wasn’t a big enough jump in their career. They really liked the new company as the last one had a toxic work environment.

Options

1. Stay at a company they like but be unfulfilled 

2. Quit their job and risk a bad work environment 

Question 1 - Risk Radar

What’s stopping you from making a big jump?

He responded.

In my country the pay for my job isn’t very good. I would have to move to the US, Canada, or Europe. I have small children. It would be hard, but I’m not getting paid enough at this job. I’m not being challenged. 

Question 2 - Macro Lens

What are all of the options available to you?

I’m not sure what you mean. 

You could, for example, work remotely. 

I work remotely now, but they pay me based on wages in my country. I could be an entrepreneur again, but it’s so risky and is a lot of time and sacrifice.

With only a few minutes left, I resisted the urge to say another option was to look for a different remote job. I had to pause to think about my next question, only one left. 

Question 3 - Clarity Quest

Can you get what’s missing where you are now?

I could focus on the value I provide my company and in 6 months ask for a raise. I can get more training to challenge myself. This is a good company, a much better work environment. I have thought about a 6 month plan. It seems like a good plan now. It helps to say it out loud and reflect. I now acknowledge the leap taken last year and appreciate more what I have. 

Porsche Colour

My buddy told me about [Unstuck in 15], a man says to me sheepishly. I ordered a Porsche and have everything specced out, but I cannot decide on a colour. I have to make a decision by tomorrow. 

He had been thinking about it for months. Unsure if I could help him, I was happy to put my framework to the test. 

Options

1. Essmann Green

2. Miami Blue

3. GT Silver Metallic

With a Porsche you can get away with a loud colour like Essmann Green. But I might get tired of it. I simply like Miami Blue, always have, but it’s also loud. GT Silver Metallic is classic, but I’ve had silver cars before.  

Question 1 - Clarity Quest

What’s stopping you from eliminating the silver?

[I asked this because he commented on the other two being loud. I was curious about whether he’d eliminate it or choose it]

I may want to keep it long-term, possibly ten years or so. I’m not sure I’d like a loud colour car for that long…

It sounds like you know how many cars you want in the future and what kind.

I do. 

Question 2 - Gut Call [sometimes I just go with my gut]

Visualize it being the year 2032. Your Porsche is parked next to your other cars. What colour is it?

I got it. Thank you.

MY NEXT STEPS

My journey doesn't stop here. It's an ongoing exploration of following my curiosity to refine these questions, to reach more people, and most importantly, to continue learning. This isn't just about getting unstuck; it's about discovering the multiple paths life has to offer and armed with the right questions, having the courage to take the one less traveled. 

As I continue to explore this path, I invite you to join me. If you're feeling stuck, let's discover together if three questions in 15 minutes can provide you with clarity on your next step. You can book a time with me here or reach out for alternative arrangements if time zones are a barrier. Beyond this, I encourage you to share your stories of feeling stuck and navigating your way out as shared experiences can lead us to newfound clarity.

My mission in life is to create possibility because within possibility lies opportunities to live fully. 

If you’re interested in following me on this journey, I’m on Twitter @MichePriest 

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I was blown away by all the generous feedback. This one was a bear to wrestle. It wouldn’t have been readable without you. Many thanks goes to:

Heather King

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