A Life Lesson from My Four-Year-Old Niece: Developing Moral Intuition
How distracting my niece from hunger led to a breakthrough on a 6 year personal growth journey
Hello Friends!
I’m happy to connect with you. As a member of Generation X, I grew up in a society that believed children should be seen and not heard. As a kid, I felt adults could learn from me just as much as I could learn from them. As an adult, I’m constantly challenging my assumptions. Today, I share a moment where my niece had me contemplating altruism and the ability to cultivate innate moral intuition.
On a weekend in Victoria, BC with my husband and his family, the morning sun filtered through the windows of a cozy cafe, casting warm hues over our table. Amidst the clatter of dishes and the murmur of conversations, I began telling a story to distract my four-year-old niece from our long delayed breakfast. Little did I know, I was about to be served more than just eggs and toast—it was the setting for a lesson on the ability to instinctively know the right thing to do in any given situation.
The tale was "The Little Red Hen," a story I revered for its lesson in self-reliance and the rewards of hard work. I narrated with enthusiasm about the hen who finds some wheat and decides to make bread. At each step of the process—planting the wheat, harvesting it, milling it into flour, and baking the bread—my niece chimed in with me the response from the other farm animals of, “Not I,” as the hen asked for help.
I expected nods of agreement when the hen decided to enjoy the fruits of her labor alone. However, as the story reached its conclusion, my niece's reaction was not what I had anticipated. Her brow furrowed in confusion, then concern at the hen's refusal to share her bread. "That’s not very nice," she declared, her voice a blend of surprise and disapproval.
Her words hung in the air, a stark contrast to my own childhood conviction that the hen's decision was just.
I paused. Reflected.
As I probed further, asking if she would have shared the bread, her response was immediate and firm. "Yes," she said, her gaze direct with the certainty of her conviction. In that moment, the clamor of the cafe seemed to fade, giving way to a profound pause that enveloped our table.
Her simple yet powerful assertion struck a chord deep within me. Since experiencing burnout from work in 2018, I’ve been on a journey of growth and personal development. I have been particularly interested in learning how to instinctively know the right thing to do in any given situation, a trait I admire in my children, my husband, and many of my friends. This lesson unfolded not through the classic folk tale, but in the real-world interaction with a child whose innate compassion eclipsed the complexities of adult reasoning.
As she nibbled on her toast, which finally arrived, oblivious to the paradigm shift she had inspired, I found myself reflecting on her immediate, unreasoned morality of a situation. In her innocence, she taught me. In her simplicity, she showed me the way. A vivid reminder that sometimes, the most profound lessons come from the least expected sources.
Since that moment I’ve come across opportunities to develop my instant do-the-right-thing instinct. As a result, I’m learning more about myself. For example, I used to go along with someone disparaging a celebrity in order to connect with them. Instead of chiming in with negativity, I now remark on something I like about the person.
In that Victoria cafe, over breakfast, my niece’s instinctive fairness reshaped my view on moral intuition. It revealed that true moral clarity isn’t a mysterious, complex internal algorithm. It’s simply choosing empathy over judgment in daily interactions. This lesson, taught by a child’s unfiltered perspective, makes me wonder, what else am I overthinking on my personal growth journey?
I’d love to know your thoughts on this. Is moral clarity as simple as choosing empathy over judgement? Is there such a thing as too much empathy? Would you share with those who refused to help you or keep the bread for yourself? I’d love to know!
I appreciate you reading my newsletter. If you’d like to support me further, consider buying me a coffee - Yours truly, Miche
This was lovely, Miche. Fantastic story telling and insights seamlessly weaved in. As I’m traveling I notice how quick my brain is to judge people on first glance, even though I don’t consider myself a judgmental person. I’ve had many experiences when I walk by someone in my hostel, quickly judge them and make up a story of what they must be like, then end up talking to them the next day discovering that my negative judgement of them was so far away from the interesting, kind, and thoughtful person they really are. These experiences challenge me to remember that my snap judgments are rarely right and to open up more to the world before forming opinions.
What a joyful story to read this morning. Adults have so much to learn from young people!