🪴 2023 Reflections - Part 2: How Writing Unearthed 7 Epiphanies

A Journey from Career to Self in a Transformative Year

Dec 28, 2023

As I sat down for my first writing assignment in Write of Passage, a cohort-based writing course, I was greeted by a blank screen. The cursor blinked back at me, not just as a challenge to write, but as an invitation to embark on a journey of discovery.

Welcome back to Part 2 of my 2023 reflections. In our previous encounter, I shared my initial steps of confronting grief and its impact on my daily life to the decision to abandon my long held resistance to taking pharmaceuticals for mental health.

Today, I invite you to join me as we delve deeper into the heart of my writing enabled transformation. Each assignment unfolded like a chapter in a revealing story, with ‘7 Epiphanies’ emerging, casting a light on previously unacknowledged parts of myself.

Epiphany #1: My Self Worth Was Still Tied to My Career

In the 2 years since I was laid off from my last job, I believed I let go of tying my self worth to my career. While drafting an essay about my favourite project from my last job, I included success metrics that had nothing to do with the premise of my essay. While editing for the ‘Shiny Dime’ — a single overarching theme of the essay, I realized, with the help of feedback, by wanting to keep these success metrics in my essay, my sense of self was still attached to career progression.

Epiphany #2: I Dismiss My Wins

Writing about running a marathon forced me to confront my tendency to overlook my achievements and downplay my successes. Completing the 42 km race was a feat deserving celebration, but I felt nothing. I had no emotional high as one would expect. I believed anyone could do it – it was just a matter of pacing much slower. I was numb. Mostly because I was running away from grief after a tragic loss, and grief tempered my emotions.

Feedback from

Steven Foster

, a Write of Passage student, was a turning point:

Taking his advice made me see that crossing the finish line was a Rocky Balboa moment. By putting myself in the mind of the reader, I could see myself through someone else’s eyes. His kinder, more gracious perspective allowed me to re-experience my final 500 meters from a different lens:

Having seen three runners collapse from dehydration, my inner voice started chanting, “light and loose, light and loose,” with each agonizing step. Continuing felt hopeless. In my warped sense of time and space, the finish line seemed to be moving further and further away.
Then, digging deep for any particle of energy left in my body, I remembered to let go of the outcome. As I transitioned from thinking about finishing to taking in the scenery, Taylor Swift's chorus switched on in my mind, "I shake it off, I shake it off, oh oooo ooo," spurring me across the finish line.

Reliving that moment, pride’s warmth seeped through the cracks of my grief-stricken heart, teaching me to embrace my wins.

Epiphany #3: I Try to Force Outcomes

When it came to writing a piece curating the work of someone I admire, I chose Sinead Bovell, a futurist dedicating her work to building a more inclusive future. I was committed to writing about all of her accomplishments, even curating 58 of her videos. Then when feedback came in about wanting to know my thoughts about her, I let go.

By writing about what we had in common and how I admired her for foregoing the traditional career path, my piece became engaging. It no longer reads like a speaker bio at a corporate conference.

We’re both mixed-race Canadians with a red-headed parent and a background in finance, business, and artificial intelligence…

Epiphany #4: I Needed Courage to Trust My Journey

In the past two years since deciding to leave tech, I navigated through various courses and projects in search of my next step, oftentimes frustrated with myself for chasing ‘shiny objects.’

However, through writing, I encountered a profound realization: the foundation for my 'Unstuck in 15' framework was built upon the past 15 years of my diverse experiences. This includes leading teams, assisting over 600 clients in financial planning, and my academic research during my master's in communications and technology, where I explored how legislators can navigate through impasses. This paper, along with my work in facilitating innovation workshops for banking executives, deepened my understanding of overcoming challenges and the art of asking the right questions to gain clarity in decision-making. Each role, enriched by mentors, colleagues, coaches, and a bit of serendipity, contributed to the insights that led to 'Unstuck in 15.’ The true epiphany lay not in creating the framework but in trusting the journey behind it.

Embracing this path required courage to believe in my unique method's potential – to bring clarity and confidence to others in a mere 15 minutes with three questions. Reflecting on my experiences and the nearly 50 people I've helped, I realized this was more than a moment of inspiration; it was the culmination of a diverse journey, weaving together my knowledge and experiences into a tool that guides others.

Epiphany #5: I Still Have Tiger Mom Tendencies

It’s interesting how we become our parents. I believed after spending 10 days in silent meditation, I shed all of my tiger mom ways. Then

Meryl Rowlands

kindly pointed out that listing my children’s accomplishments in an essay about being a “reformed” tiger mom was a tinge tiger mom-ish. Having an awareness about this has enabled me to let go of my children’s work outcomes, leading me to be a more supportive and understanding mom.

Epiphany #6: I’m Still Grieving and That’s Okay

I realized I was still grieving when I wrote about being triggered by a bagel. The process of writing helped me have self-compassion and see that it was okay if grief still came up.

Here’s an excerpt from my essay:

Grief…comes in waves. In the beginning they were tidal waves, all consuming, crashing onto me, one after another.

Photo of my illustration: Art is my therapy — My grief as ocean waves

Eventually, the waves got smaller and further apart. I’m not fully there yet, but I’ve come to accept, like the ocean, the waves will always be there.
With bagel in hand, I dried my tears and boarded the plane. When the lights dimmed, I shed a few more tears and wrote this essay.

Epiphany #7: My Role in the Break Up of My Marriage

After I divorced I thought deeply about why my marriage ended. I eventually saw how I didn’t make my needs known, but a deeper insight emerged while writing about a pivotal moment:

He never said a word. Ever. Nothing about how he didn’t mean it, how he knew I loved him. Not one word. So I believed him.

This line made me uneasy, hinting at unexpressed emotions and unspoken truths. Then while on a walk, I confronted a parallel realization about myself:

The thing is…I never said a word about that night either.

Acknowledging for the first time in 15 years that I too had remained silent during critical moments was startling. This epiphany led me to consider if there are things left unsaid in my current relationships. It has since influenced how I communicate: I now strive to express my feelings and needs more openly and promptly, understanding the importance of dialogue in nurturing healthy relationships.

Reflecting on 2023, writing online and engaging with an online community has been pivotal in my journey. Through the eyes of a compassionate community, I’ve learned to see myself in a kinder light. This experience of sharing my stories and receiving feedback has not only helped me fall in love with the evolving process of writing but also with my own unfolding story. It’s shifted my focus from outcomes and rigid identity mindsets formed in my previous careers, to embracing the process of self-discovery, redefining my self-perception, and understanding the power of my own narrative.

Each story I've shared, each poem I've crafted, and every moment of introspection has guided me closer to a more authentic version of myself. I've learned to acknowledge and celebrate every step of growth, understand my past roles’ influence, and most importantly, recognize the unique value I offer to the world – not only through my professional pursuits but simply by being true to myself.

As I move forward, these revelations will continue to shape my narrative. I hope my journey inspires you to reflect on your own path. Together, let's appreciate the beauty of growth and the courage to be our most authentic selves.

I appreciate you

Thank you for joining me today. My heart swells with gratitude for the support I’ve received for sharing my deeply personal stories. While sharing so much hasn’t been my intention, my personal stories get unearthed as I receive thoughtful, excavating feedback from my writing community in the comments of my Google Doc drafts.

I wouldn’t have shared them a couple of years ago due to concerns about how they might affect my employability. Perhaps a manager would think less of someone who was open about their self doubt, grief, divorce, or taking medication for mental health.

Fear of being judged and misunderstood made it hard to be myself. But I've reached a point where authenticity matters more to me. I believe in the immense diversity of our world, and I'm confident that among the 8 billion people out there, some of my experiences will resonate and be of value, despite — or perhaps because of — my human imperfections.

As I continue to explore and write, I hope my stories resonate with you, inspire you, or simply provide a moment of connection in our increasingly digital world.

Thank you for being part of my journey. Here's to more exploration and discovery in the year to come.

I would love to hear your stories and reflections. Please feel free to share them in the comments or reach out directly. Let's continue to learn and grow together.